Bahahaahaha, my life. Always sending low key messages.

(Source: spicecat, via silencehasasound)

J.E   (via wah-mos)

(Source: 090108, via oathxkeeper)

(via hayleyisaboss)

It wasn’t difficult for, Spencer, to find, Ellie, in the crowded college bar. She was the only person that stood out with her light blonde hair, black leggings with a matching designer quarter sleeve shirt, a denim vest, and off-white headband. Ellie held on loosely to the bright red drink in her hand, staring down into it as she took a moment to think about something that crossed her mind. This investigation on her class must be taking a toll on her.

The young bartender pulled, Ellie, from her thoughts by starting a small, pointless, conversation. You could tell by the way he looked at, Ellie, and the way he smiled, that he was quite interested in her, and her pixie like appearance. A humorous spark passed, Spencer’s, eyes as she watched, Ellie, interact uncomfortably with the bartender. Ellie giggled here, and there, but her giggles weren’t full of joy like they normally were. She played footsies with herself under the bar, and made tornadoes with her straw as he continued to converse. 

The song, “Va Va Voom”, started to play loudly over the bar speakers, and every girl in the bar screeched as they ran for a place to dance. A good looking man signaled to the flirtatious bartender once his girlfriend left his side. The bartender smiled at, Ellie, and mouthed, “I’ll be right back.” Ellie sighed in relief as he turned the other way. Spencer saw this as her opportunity to approach, Ellie. With a deep, nervous, breath, she walked up, and took the empty seat next to her,

“How hard is he trying?” Spencer asked. Ellie smiled shyly at the sound of, Spencer’s, nervous voice,

“Extremely.” Her voice was soft, yet timid to say anything more. The tension between the two girls grew uncomfortable, and almost unbearable, since they were right next to one another now,

“Is he polite, at least?” Spencer asked awkwardly,

“Definitely.” Ellie took the rest of her drink quickly, and turned her head to look at, Spencer, “Why are you here, Spencer?” She finally asked,

“I’m here with my class, interviewing your students.” 

“Stop playing around. You know what I mean. Why are you here sitting next to me at this damn bar?” Spencer opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the reappearance of the bartender, 

“Why hello! I see you have brought a friend!” The bartender said in a Darth Vadar voice. Spencer couldn’t help, but to giggle at his dorky-ness. He seemed like the kind of guy, Ellie, dated when they were in high school. 

“What can I get for you?” He asked, Spencer, with a million dollar smile, 

“Cranberry Vodka, please. Extra vodka, if you would.” The bartender smiled, and trotted off to the ice machine to prep her drink,

“Why did you stop being my friend?” Spencer quickly asked, Ellie,

“You can’t answer a question with a question, Spence.” Ellie smiled, “Plus, you know if we would have continued being friends, it would have escalated into something more.” 

“Is that bad?” 

“Given the situation you’re in now with the one, Taylor, says you’re in love with, and your situation with my sister? Yes. It would have been disastrous.” 

“You’re sister is a fucking brat.” Spencer mumbled,

“She is, and what she did to you was not okay in the least bit, but you put yourself in that situation. You know how, Taylor, is when it comes to getting what she wants. You have to take into consideration the emotional state you were in when you went over to her house that night, and the tone of her text message. You knew by going over that you would be expected to do what she wanted.”

“That doesn’t justify her beating, and raping me.”

“I didn’t say that it did. I’m just saying, you knew.” The bartender returned before, Spencer, could respond,

“A refil for the beautiful, Taylor, and a first round for her lovely friend.” Spencer glanced at, Ellie, with confused eyes,

Taylor? Spencer mouthed. Ellie’s lips puckered, and quietly shushed, Spencer,

“So, Taylor, can I get your number? Maybe we can get together one night, and go watch shooting stars?” The bartender asked. Ellie started fidgiting uncomfortably again, 

“Uhm..” Ellie’s hesitant response told, Spencer, that she didn’t want to be rude, but didn’t want to hand over a number,

“That’s really cute,  but it sounds like you’re asking my girlfriend out on a date.” Spencer said as she took a sip of her drink. The bartenders eyes widened in astonishment, and he took a careful step away from, Ellie,

“Oh, I’m sorry, I had no idea you were in a relationship, let alone gay.” He apologized sincerely, “If I made you uncomfortable, I didn’t mean it.” 

“It’s okay, really. Don’t apologize.” Ellie said with a gentle voice, and easy eyes,

“Maybe I’ll see you around the bar, then? I’ll leave you guys be.” The bartender smiled politely, and walked over to some thirsty guests to work his magic,

“Thank you.” Ellie said quietly to, Spencer,

“You’re too nice.” Spencer took another gulp of her outrageously strong drink,

“You’re one to talk.” Ellie mumbled rudely, “I stopped being your friend, because I was told to stop talking to you.” 

“I know that. Taylor told me after you came out to everyone on social media.”

“You have to understand,” Ellie said quietly, “I couldn’t cross that boundary with my baby sister. It would have been awkward, for one, and two, that’s my family.” 

“No, I completely understand. I’m simply mad, and not thinking rationally.” Spencer admitted, “It makes me mad that, Taylor, knew we would be great together, and she didn’t want that. So she took matters into her own hands… and look at us now. Cheers to shitty people.” Spencer took another gulp after putting her glass to, Ellies. Ellie looked at, Spencer, with sad eyes, 

“Honestly, how do you think we would be now if we started dating in, July?” Ellie asked,

“We would have been a disaster.” 

“Why is that, Spencer?” Ellie asked calmly even though she already knew the answer,

“Because I would have been even more emotionally conflicted when the girl came back into my life, and I would have possibly wanted to leave you for her, like I left my girlfriend at the time. Even if we were to have worked it out, I wouldn’t have been emotionally yours, and it would have broken your heart, and mine, even more than it already is.” 

“Exactly.” Ellie smiled, “How is she, by the way? Your girl thing?”

“I wouldn’t know. She doesn’t talk to me. We have resulted to exchanging one worded texts to each other, and it’s only three or four a day. Then she suddenly stops. Exactly like she did when we first started talking, when she was with her ex.”

“How does that make you feel?” 

“Utterly shattered, stupid, and shitty, to top it off.” 

“I’m sorry. Give her time.”

“I have. I do. She get’s heartbroken when I do, though, and feels ‘abandoned’. I know her brain, Ellie. I feel like I’m losing her.” A tear formed in, Spencers, eye. She took another drink, and blinked it away. Ellie viewed, Spencer, with utter saddness in her eyes. Ellie’s heart started to ache for the girl she crushed on since they became aquainted four years ago. 

She use to be so alive, and cheerful. Full of imagination, and creativity. Her inspiration seemed to run completely dry, and she sounded all out of faith. Spencer used to be the one that magically knew whenever, Ellie, was upset. Spencer would take one look at her, and know exactly what to do to make, Ellie’s, sour mood disappear, and she did it, simply because she knew that sour person isn’t who, Ellie, is or wants to be. Spencer always knew how to assist, Ellie, in becoming the geniune, kind hearted person that she is today. Now, Spencer, appears completely lost, and alone,

“Hey, let’s not talk or think about her. Let’s think about…” Ellie trailed off as she searched her brain for something that would make, Spencer, laugh. It was so easy for, Spencer, to do this for, Ellie, but when, Ellie, actually stopped to think, she realized that she’s never actually got to know, Spencer. Spencer spent all their time together figuring out, Ellie,

“Let’s think about how pissed off your sister would be if she saw us here together.” Spencer giggled, 

“She would be fuming.” 

“I think her head would explode like those anime chatacters you used to read about.” The two girls laughed as the images played through their minds. Ellie looked at, Spencer, with admiration, now. Even though she was breaking apart inside, she still managed to laugh, and make, Ellie, genuienly laugh in the process. That part of, Spencer, is what, Ellie, found so addicting. Ellie took down the rest of her drink, and took, Spencers, hand,

“Come on. Take me home. I walked here from my friends place.” 

In the car, Ellie, searched through, Spencers cd collection until she found one she knew she would like. “Clarity”. As the EDM song started to highten, Ellie, let herself go in the music. Spencer glanced over at the fairy girl, and smiled. Seeing, Ellie, able to let go into a simple song made, Spencer think of the first time they spent together, alone. 

It was Spring four years ago, give or take. Taylor had invited, Spencer, on their families weekend vacation to the cabin her parents owned in, Utah. Taylor also invited a boy from school she had been interested in for the week. The, Dawns, always took weekend vacations when the first week of Spring hit. Everything in, Utah, smelled fresh, and eagerly bloomed to life. Ellie’s neices, and nephews, were at the cabin by the time they arrived. The girls, Ellie and Taylor’s neices, had built a fort in one of the rooms, and wanted, Ellie’s expert opinion on it. Taylor spent a majority of her time impressing the boy she dragged along, and Spencer was pushed off to the side,

“How are you at building forts?” Ellie had asked. That question defined the rest of the trip for the two girls. All the two needed was an hour to add onto the fort the girls had created,

“We should call it a ‘forman’.” Spencer said as they all observed their masterpiece,

“A what?” Ellie asked with confusion clear in her voice,

“A ‘Fort-Mansion’. Forman.” 

“Alright. We just created a forman. Great job, my little workers!” Ellie high fived the girls before they ran off into the fort to play. Ellie, Spencer, and the girls slept in their forman for the entire weekend.

The rest of the trip, Ellie, latched onto, Spencer, and vise versa. Ellie grew intreagued with, Spencer, and the way she viewed the world. Ellie wondered why she was friends with, Taylor, and not her. On the last day of the vacation, Ellie, woke, Spencer, up early in the morning, 

“I want to show you something before we leave.” Ellie whispered. Spencer was about to ask what it was, but, Ellie, put a finger to her mouth and shushed, Spencer. The two tip toed out of the cabin like children in all the movies you see. Ellie grabbed a couple of water bottles, and trail mix before heading out. Once the cabin door was securely shut behind them, Spencer, asked, 

“Where are we going? Are we going to get in trouble?” 

“Come on, Spence. Free yourself. This world is here for us to explore, so explore it. Don’t be scared. Just trust me.” Ellie giggled as she started jogging towards the woods. Spencer hesitated briefly, but quickly ran after, Ellie. Ellie weaved in between thick trees, and jumped over up-rooted tree trunks. The woods were beautiful at this time of Spring. The sunlight spilled through the tree tops, making the scenery unfold like a beautiful oil painting. The air was crisp, and fresh,

“We’re almost there. It’s so beautiful!” 

“This is beautiful.” Spencer whispered to herself as she gawked at the tall trees surrounding her,

“Come on.” Ellie giggled when she grabbed, Spencers, hand and continued running through the trees, “We’re here!” Ellie took a deep breath, and stepped through the remaining trees, and opened up, Spencers, eyes to a beautiful meadow. 

The sun shone down like a spot light on the meadow, lighting everything up that touched it’s vibrant, lush, terrain. The forest boarded the meadow, hiding it from the folk unworthy of it’s beauty. Tall grass with fragile flowers blooming on the top formed in patches around the meadow. Birds created beautiful songs, while butterflies, and humming birds danced from one flower to the next. Spencer stared into the beauty with her jaw dropped. Ellie simply smiled, and took in a deep breath of the untained air,

“This is my Meadow. Nobody knows about it, so you have to keep it a secret.” Ellie whispered,

“How did you find this?” 

“I was climbing trees, and I saw a piece of it from the tree I was climbing.” Ellie ran into the meadow after a flock of birds, sending them flying into the sunlight. She giggled like a fairy at the simplicity of nature. 

The girls spent their entire day in the meadow. Carving their names into the trees, laying in the long grass to watch the clouds go by, sharing their deepest secrets, and telling stories that nobody would ever hear again. Spencer even leaked a couple of her, Peter Pan, stories she had told her little sisters,

“I use to think this place was a piece of, Neverland. Here just for me to be in.” Ellie smiled, “Neverland is a place full of fun, adventure, trees, and relaxation.”

“This is your piece of, Neverland, then.” Spencer reassured, 

“It’s only a temporary piece. I’m not here as much as I’d like to be.” 

“If it was more available, you would risk losing the ability to see it’s beauty fully.” Spencer preached. Ellie then pulled out her iPod, and introduced, Spencer, to EDM. While she played her favorite songs, she set her mind free, and let her body go with the music. She danced in the meadow. Nothing in reality exsisted while, Ellie, danced. Just the meadow, and the song. 

Spencer parked her car in, Ellie’s, driveway after three songs. Ellie pulled out her keys, and looked at, Spencer, 

“It’s not that late. Do you want to come hang out for a while?” Ellie asked, 

“You know,” Spencer chimed, “I would love to.” She smiled. Genuienly, she’s missed, Ellie, and, Ellie, is the only one to make, Spencer, genuienly smile since November. The girls unbuckled themselves, and got out of the car. As soon as, Spencer, stood up, and started to walk, she felt the alcohol effecting her,

“Are you okay?” Ellie asked when, Spencer stumbled to the door,

“Yeah, I’m great.” Spencer lied. Ellie opened the door, and lead, Spencer, carefully into her bedroom. She made, Specer, sit on the bed, and ran off to the kitchen. Ellie prepped some hot water, and put a tea bag in the mug she grabbed for, Spencer. She walked over to her, Keurig, and put in a cup to brew. She went to her refrigerator, and pulled out some caramel. She drizzled caramel into the coffee once it was done brewing, and took the two mugs back into the bedroom where,

“Ellie, I am never drinking again.” Spencer mummbled, 

“Oh, baby, it’s okay.” Ellie giggled. She’s never seen, Spencer, intoxicated enough to effect her,

“Here, drink this, and take a sip of this.” Ellie handed, Spencer, the tea, and allowed her to sip her coffee,

“Oh wow, that ones really good.” Spencer said in refrence to the coffee, 

“I know. It’s mine though.” Ellie winked,

“Brat.” Ellie giggled at, Spencer, 

“Drink the tea. It’ll help you more than the coffee.” 

“I’m sorry any of this happened.” Spencer whispered,

“What do you mean?” 

“After the cabin trip, I should have steered more your way, than your sisters. It would have been the smart thing to do.” 

“Like we agreed on, if we were together right now, we’d both be miserable, because of the situation you’re in.” Ellie took a sip of her magnificent coffee, 

“No, that’s not true. That was before I met her. If I stayed with you, I would have never met her, and I wouldn’t be so sad.” Spencer’s voice cracked. She wanted to cry. Ellie heard the pain in, Spencers, voice, and kneeled in front of her. Ellie took, Spencers, face carefully in her hands; making, Spencer look into, Ellie’s, solid blue eyes,

“Don’t say things like that. It makes it sound like you regret meeting her, and I know you well enough to know that you don’t regret a single thing with her. Even all this heart break, you don’t regret it. You never will, because you love her dearly, Spence.” Tears started dripping out of, Spencers, eyes, “You are going to make this work. You’re strong, and you fight for the people, and things, that you truly love. Whether it’s stepping back, or moving forward. You do it, because you know it’s best. This pain, and struggle you’re experiencing is only going to make you two stronger in the future. There will be nothing you two can’t handle. Baby steps, babe. It’ll get better. You will make sure of it. Don’t give up on something you’re brain can’t go a day without thinking about, and your heart can’t stop feeling for.” Ellie’s voice was calming, and affectionate. Her eyes were full of concern, but full of faith. Spencer nodded her head, because she couldn’t find the right response, 

“It’s going to be okay.” She whispered as she placed a gentle kiss on, Spencer’s, forehead, “You’re going to be okay.” 

Spencer stayed quiet for the remainder of the evening, and ended up falling asleep in, Ellie’s, bed while she played Trance music. Ellie took the mugs into the kitchen, silenced the music, and turned off the lights in the bedroom. She slipped into the bed next to, Spencer, and curled up in the comforter, 

“I have faith in you,” Ellie whispered to, Spencer, “You’ll make everything right, again. With everyone.” Ellie turned over, and slipped into a deep sleep. 

(Source: absentions, via brookemariegarcia)

-_-

(via brookemariegarcia)

(via oathxkeeper)

(via remember-neverstopdreaming)

(Source: metrolines, via swagativity)

It is so easy for me to love you that it terrifies me. 
I’ve never been good at anything except making up fictional love stories that I merely wished would happen to me. 
I’ve never wanted anything so much as I want to hold you at night while we sleep, and wake up to your humble face in the morning.  
The question has ceased to be, “How do I love you?” and has simply become, “Why would I ever stop?”