“I can’t sleep.” Addison texted Melissa. It didn’t take Melissa long to respond. It never takes her long to respond to Addison during the late hours of the night,

“Neither can I. Come over? I’ll take you to work in the morning. You can drive.”

“Can you handle my crying?” Addison’s sleeping problems have progressed. She weeps tear, after tear while she slumbers. A couple weeks ago, when Addison stayed at Melissa’s, Addison began to cry in her sleep. She cried hard, and Melissa grew mad. Addison hasn’t slept at Melissa’s since due to embarrassment,

“That shit hasn’t stopped?” Melissa responded. Addison sighed sadly as she wrote her response,

“No. Its worse, Melissa.”

“Get over here. I have an idea.”

“…What’s your idea?”

“You’ll see. Just come in when you get here. See ya in a bit.”

Addison felt skeptical about going over. Melissa is the extravagant kind of person that will do anything to make the people she genuinely likes happy. Addison didn’t think she was someone that Melissa genuinely liked enough to have ideas on how to help her. Truth be told, Addison was frightened to go to Melissa’s, but she did anyway.
Not like she was going to get any sleep alone, might as well take up the company offer. To Addison, she enjoys feeling the presence of another while she sleeps. To an extent, it allows her to feel safe.

Addison pulled up to Melissa’s house, and parked her car on the far right of the garage. Addison searched her glove box for the garage door opener, and pulled her car slowly into the garage. Melissa’s Jaguar hid inside the right side of the garage. Addison has acquired the left side of the garage after spending two weeks with Melissa.

Once Addison grabbed her bags, and unlocked the garage door, she was instantly greeted by Shiloh, Melissa’s Siberian Husky puppy,

“Hey, Loh!” Addison said in a high octave voice, as if she was talking to an infant. Shiloh wagged her tail calmly, and stared up at Addison with admiration. Addison is the only one Shiloh listens to perfectly. With everyone else that attempts to order her around, she gives them ‘attitude’ and takes her time performing the command. With, Addison, she obeys instantly. Shiloh followed closely behind, Addison, into the living room, where, Addison, set her things down,

“Come say hello, my love bug! I’ve missed you!” Addison held her arms wide out, and Shiloh instantly ran into her like the puppy that she is. Addison smiled, genuinely smiled.

“I see you’ve missed her more than you’ve missed me. That’s a little pathetic.” Melissa’s voice leaked down into the living room from the overlooking staircase. Addison looked up at Melissa, who was wearing nothing but a short, black, Victoria’s Secret robe, and red bottom heels. Her blonde hair was let down, and wavy. Her eye makeup was painted on like a beautiful piece of art. She stood leaning forward over the railing. Her lips were glued into a seductive grin.

“I’ve missed you, too.” Addison mumbled into Shiloh’s fur.

“Yeah, yeah. When you’re done making love to my dog-daughter, come upstairs so I can entertain you.”

“Entertain me?” Addison repeated in an inaudible voice. The way Melissa’s voice sounded, seductive, yet irritated, frightened Addison,

“Which means now, my whore.” Melissa shouted from her bedroom. Addison’s heart beat picked up, and she felt as if she were going to regurgitate, but she obeyed, Melissa’s, order, as she has done since High school. Shiloh stayed down at the bottom of the stairs,

“You’re a smart kid.” Addison whispered to Shiloh before making it all the way upstairs.

Addison walked cautiously through the all familiar doors that was, Melissa’s, room. Her lights were turned off. On top of her dresser, and nightstands, she lit, Addison’s favorite red candles. The ominous light from the candles painted the room with the red off her curtains. Her bed was folded into place the way that, Addison, always folded it. The canopy drape was let down over the bed, hiding the devious ideas that, Melissa, had for the night secretively behind it. Melissa sat on the edge of the bed with her legs crossed over one another, bouncing her foot in the air impatiently. Her figure was fuzzy behind the laced canopy drape,

“Took you long enough.” Melissa laughed through her words. Addison walked in front of, Melissa. Melissa smiled devishly, and looked up at, Addison, with her green eyes,

“I’m starting to believe you only ever come over now, because of, Shiloh. Good thing I got the one you liked, or else I would probably never see you.”

Addison forced a smile on her face. Melissa stood up, and took a step forward, causing their bodies to touch,

“I do not like you like this. You don’t speak anymore, and do you don’t compliment me anymore. You’re no fun.” Melissa pouted,

“I’m sorry? What do you want me to say?” Addison asked with an attitude, and furrowed brow,

“Relax, baby. Relax. I want you back to your normal self. The self that liked me, and made me feel special all the time.”

“Sorry to tell you, Melissa, but I am not into you enough to do that for you, anymore, and I am way to sad to focus on someone else.” Addison said angrily,

“Oh my god, are you really still hung up on her?” Melissa flung her arms in the air in frustration and fell backwards onto the bed. Addison bit her lip hard, and stayed quiet. Anger boiled inside her stomach, and fear chilled her body. She felt an argument was about to start,

“You know what, Melissa, this was a bad idea. Thank you for having me over, but I’m going to leave.” Addison started to walk away, but, Melissa, grabbed, Addison’s, forearm and yanked her back to the bed,

“You can have discussions with your whore; you can have discussions with me.”

“Don’t you dare refer to her as a whore, Melissa. You have no justification to be calling her a whore. If we are going to discuss this, we will do it like adults. Not children. You will not insult her, do you understand me?” Addison said sternly,

“Don’t tell me what to do. You’re not my boss.”

“And you have no right to insult a person you’ve never met.”

“Why the hell are you still fighting for her, and defending her?” Melissa raised her voice,

“Melissa, even if I tried to explain it you the best I could, you wouldn’t understand.” Addison sighed,

“I wouldn’t understand what? Being in love? Baby, I’ve been in love, and it’s the worst feeling in the world.”

“You make the worst actions, like cheating, justifiable, and you have the audacity to sit here, and tell me, of all people, that one of the best feelings in the world is the worst?” Addison shouted,

“It’s the worst, because you always fall for someone who isn’t in love with you, and it breaks your heart. Take a look at you, and that girl. Look at you, and tell me how you feel.” Addison fell silent, and looked down at the floor. Embarrassment turned her cheeks red,

“We’re having a discussion, Addison. Tell me. How do you feel? You’re the one in love. How is it in there?” Melissa pressed on rudely,

“You really want to know how it feels? Will knowing how miserable I am satisfy you, finally?” Addison asked angrily,

“Yes, it will be the most satisfying thing you’ve given me since senior year. Tell me all about how shitty you feel.”

“It hurts. I feel alone. I feel empty. My heart is in so much pain right now. All I want to do is cry. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to be around anyone. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I’m jealous of everything, and everyone. I am terrified to lose her to everyone. I can’t fucking sleep, because I’m thinking of her too much, and when I do finally go to sleep, it’s only because I cry myself to the point where my body can’t stay awake any longer.” Tears streamed down Addison’s face, “I am too damn sad to eat. I have no motivation to go out and run, or take my damn dog for a walk. I don’t have any motivation to write any damn thing. I don’t have any good days anymore, because I’m always sad. Every single thing I encounter when I am out, I think of her, and it suddenly makes me sad. All I want to do is cry, and all I feel is anger.” Addison finished with dropping her face into her hands. Melissa sat next to, Addison, and scratched her back,

“Then why the fuck are you still there for her!” Melissa shouted,

“Because,” Addison’s voice grew quiet, and more sad, “When I’m with her, or I hear her voice, all of that pain goes away. I don’t feel alone. I’m not scared to lose her to somebody else. I don’t get angry at our distance, or jealous of everything. I am motivated to write amazing tales, simply for her to read, and smile at. When I am with her, I’m happy. When I hear her voice, I’m calm. I have no doubts, because when I am with her, I can see right through her. I know exactly what is happening.”

“Is it all worth it?” Melissa whispered,

“Yes.” Addison answered without hesitation,

“Why!” Melissa yelled with a frustrated sigh,

“You won’t understand. You never understand.”

“Please. Nobody understands your ass.”

“This is why I never talk to you about anything serious.” Addison mumbled,

“Right. I’m only good to be with when you feel alone because of her.”

“Stop. You’re a good friend.”

“Great.” Melissa mumbled, “That’s all I will ever be to you.” Melissa added on angrily,

“You know what, yes. That is all you’ll ever be to me, Melissa!” Addison shouted, “You are most definitely not the one I want a relationship with. You are not the one I want to build a life with. You are not the one I want to meet at the end of the walkway at a wedding. You are not the one I want to move anywhere in the world with. You’re not the one I want kids with. You are not the one I want to wake up to every morning, and fall asleep next to each night. You are not the one, Melissa!” Addison yelled. She was on her feet now, pacing back and forth. Melissa stopped in, Addison’s, path, took her face, and pulled her into a slow, passionate kiss. Melissa’s freshly glossed lips slid across, Addison’s.

Melissa is the queen of seduction. She is capable of so much, and she knows how to use the power she has. A simple kiss, a gentle touch, is nothing more than a deadly poison. A spell that renders broken hearts to her will. Addison has been poisoned one too many times before by, Melissa.

As the kissing increased, Melissa pushed, Addison back to the canopy bed. Once, Addison was on her back, she instantly opened her eyes, and turned her head away from, Melissa’s, kiss.

“What the hell?” Melissa pulled back, “You have never pulled away from kissing.”

“I do not want to do this with you.”

“Yes you do.” Melissa giggled. Melissa’s eyes were dark with greed, and her body was tense. Fear filled, Addison’s heart,

“Please, let me go.” Addison said calmly,

“No. You’re going to stay here with me, and you’re going to sleep with me. It’s what we both have wanted since junior year.” Melissa held, Addison’s, face in place while she leaned down to kiss her again. Addison turned her head away, and pushed, Melissa, off to the side. Addison quickly got to her feet, and headed for the door. Melissa grabbed her arm, and yanked her back,

“You’re staying.” She ordered as she pushed, Addison, back to the bed.

“Don’t put your hands on me.” Melissa squeezed, Addison’s, arm tight, and shook her head,

“I’m going to do whatever I want; my house, my rules.”

“Melissa, what’s wrong with you?” Addison’s eyes filled with tears as she fumbled backwards onto the bed. Melissa straddled, Addison, and Addison shoved her sideways,

“I said no, Melissa.” Addison shouted weakly,

“You’ll fuck a whore who lies to you, says all these nice fairy tale things, but then doesn’t give you the time of day, but you won’t fuck me? Of all people?”

“I am not interested in you! You are not relationship material!” Addison shouted in frustration, “You’re a cheater, and a liar. You play with people, and you let them down!”

“Sounds like the girl you’re in love with, so what’s the damn difference?”

“Shut up! You are so much worse than she is.” The second those words left, Addison’s, mouth, Melissa, slapped, Addison, hard. Addison’s face turned red, and the sting brought instant tears. While, Addison, was still in shock from being slapped, Melissa pushed her on her back, and straddled her. Addison squirmed underneath her, but it was no use. Melissa took, Addison’s, hands and pinned them to her side. Melissa’s lips slid across, Addison’s, neck. She bit down, and nipped in all the right places, but all, Addison, could do was cry and try to squirm away,

“Melissa, please don’t do this.” Addison cried quietly,

“Stop being a baby, and give in. You know you’ve wanted to sleep with me since we’ve met. What’s the big deal now? That stupid-”

“I hate you.” Addison whispered. Those three words stung, Melissa, and she froze. Addison has always said things to, Melissa that were uplifting, and complimenting. Never has she ever said anything that hurt, Melissa,

“I hate that girl of yours for turning you into a miserable little bitch.” Melissa snapped with tears in her eyes. Melissa got to her feet, kicked off her heels, and walked to the bedroom door, shutting it quietly. Addison quickly jumped off the bed, and stood next to the bare wall, afraid to move. Melissa walked to, Addison, while peeling off her robe, revealing black, lacy lingerie that hugged her model body. Addison stepped away as, Melissa got closer. Melissas eyes continued to grow as dark as the midnight sky,

“What makes you believe that you’re special enough to be the only one she’s ‘talking’ too?” Melissa stated in a dark voice, “Who’s to say she isn’t talking to her ex, again? Or some other broad from work, or that girl from Colorado. Who’s to say that, the entire time you two were fucking with love, she didn’t go off, and fuck that pilot? What about the time the pilot took her out, and she blacked out for the whole night? I bet that bitch drugged her and got into her pants.” Addison froze at Melissa’s acusations. Melissa laughed quietly,

“I know you think of these things, too, Addison. I know, especially lately, you feel she’s talking to other girls, or she’s begining to talk to her ex again. I look at your depressed little eyes, and I can see the thoughts leaking out in your pathetic tears. When you’re sleeping next to me, I feel your body shake, and I know that’s when you’re having a nightmare about her being with her ex. You shake, becuase you’re terrified of her going back to that shitty lifestyle. When you’re having a nightmare about the other one, you tense up, and squeeze whatever your hand is holding, which is generally your fucking body parts. Am I wrong?” Addison didn’t answer. She simply looked down at the floor, and watched her tears fall to the carpet,

“You think I don’t know you at all? You think I keep you around so I can have someone to sleep next to, and play house with? No, Addison. I actually know you a lot more than you think I do. What makes you think that when you two get together, she won’t fall for someone else? Huh? What are you going to do with yourself if she moves to Colorado? You’re going to fucking die without her here, aren’t you? You are going to be so miserable, I can already tell. Why do you get yourself in these fucked up situations? You must enjoy this pain.”

“Stop it.” Addison wept, “Please, stop it, Melissa. This isn’t cool of you, at all.” Addison became so overwhelmed with tears, that her words were hard to come by. It’s true. Everything that, Melissa, stated is very true. Addison feared, daily, that this girl was going to go back to dating, or forming feelings for her ex. Addison feared, and became extremely jealous, of the pilot, because she knows how easy it is to fall for them and their vast yearning for spontaneous adventure. Addison fell for it multiple times with, Melissa,

“You don’t know me, Melissa. You know the things that make me weak, but you don’t know any of the good things about me.” Melissa approached, Addison, closely, and whispered in her ear,

“I know all of your dirty little secrets, and insecurities. You know I can easily go to her FBO, and woo her into my bed. I can make her fall more in love with me than she’ll ever be with you, at least then you wouldn’t have to worry about her ex, or the Colorado pilot.” Addison went to shove, Melissa, away form her, but Melissa pushed, Addison, into the dresser with all the candles on it. Melissa pushed, Addison, hard. Addison’s back hit the dresser, and every handle on it. The candles fell off the top of the dresser, and fell on, Addison’s hand,

“Fuck.” Addison shreiked as she started to scratch off the burning wax from the top of her hand. Tears continued down her face at the pain, and the thought of the nasty bruises that were going to be all over her back,

“This is what happens when you use me.”

“How the fuck am I using you? You invited me over! You always invite me over!” Addison yelled with nothing, but anger in her heart. She trusted, Melissa, to not get violent again. Trusting, Melissa, isn’t the best thing to do,

“This is what happens when you put a worthless piece of human being before me. I actually care about your pathetic ass, for whatever reason, unlike she does.”

“Oh fuck off, Melissa. You don’t care at all.” Addison got to her feet, and blew out the remaining candles just in case, “If you cared about me, you wouldn’t have laid hands on me last year, and you wouldn’t be doing any of this now. I care about her, and when she tells me things about her pilot, or her ex, I listen and console her, and give her helpful advise. Even though, in my head I am thinking, ‘Oh the bitch is going to double cross you again, and hurt you again, don’t do it. I’ve been there, done that. Doesn’t work.’ I am there for her making her comfortable, and as happy as I can get her. I’m not yelling at her, raping her, and beating her!”

“Raping, huh?” Melissa laughed. She walked over to Addison, and put her hands on, Addison’s waist, carefully pushing her to the side of the bed,

“You thought I was trying to rape you?”

“Melissa, I do not want to have sex with you. I won’t.”

“What police officer is going to look at me, and believe you?” Melissa said coldly. She’s right, though. Addison is nothing compared to, Melissa. Melissa is stunning, and picture perfect. Addison is below average comapred to her.

Before, Addison, could argue back, Melissa shoved their lips together. Melissa’s hand held the back of, Addison’s head sternly in place so, Addison couldn’t pull away. Melissa’s hand that rested on, Addison’s waist, squeezed hard. Addison could feel the bruise forming already.

Melissa lead, Addison, back to the bed. In attempts to get, Melissa, away without getting hit again, Addison bumped her legs on the sides of the bed. The middle of her leg caught on the corner of the metal piece on, Melissa’s, bed frame, cutting, Addison’s, leg. Ultimately, she gave up, and flopped down on the bed. An idea formed in, Addison’s head.

Addison tugged on, Melissa’s strap and pulled her in closer. Addison began kissing, Melissa, harder. Melissa’s body instantly grew hotter as, Addison, intensified the kissing. Addison’s shaken, bleeding hand trailed, Melissa’s, familiar body, as the other hand firmly gripped the back of, Melissa’s, hair. Addison bit, Melissa’s, lower lip. A moan escaped out of Melissa’s mouth, and dripped onto, Addison’s lips. Melissa’s nails violently dug into, Addison’s aching back, dragging them the whole length of her body.
The moan, and the scratching, brought the ‘girl’ to, Addison’s mind. How Addison wished it was the ‘girl’, and not, Melissa. How Addison wished she could nibble the soft lip of the girl in her heart, and not the lip stick covered mouth that was nastily trailing her body. Addison wanted so badly to hear the moan from the ‘girl’ that made her sex crave more, and more, not this turn of groan from her rapist friend. Addison longed for the ‘girls’ soft, safe hands scratching her back sexily, not this painful torture she experienced coming from, Melissa.

Addison didn’t ever think sex with, Melissa, would be so terrible. Yes, Addison, has wanted to have sex with her since they met, but now that, Addison’s, heart isn’t hers anymore, it doesn’t appeal to her. Addison isn’t turned on by her touch, or the seductive voice. She’s instantly grossed out by the acts. The only one she can imagine, or would want to have anything with, is the ‘girl’ she so loves.

Melissa dragged her sex across, Addison; causing another grotesque moan to escape through, Melissa’s, vigorous lips. Addison cupped, Melissa’s, bum, and pulled, Melissa, into her arms. Addison picked up, Melissa, and tossed her on her back into the bed. Melissa giggled,
“See. I told you that you’d want this.” She said in a seductive voice,
“I knew you’d come to terms with the fact that you’ll never have the bitch as a girlfriend. You’re always going to be the one she wish she had, but the one she never cared enough about to peruse fully, because of how pathetic you are.”
Tears filled, Addison’s, dark eyes. The realization stung. What if, Melissa, was right? She was right about, Deena being controlling, and right about, Jessica, being a cheater. What if she’s right about this girl, too?
The thought trailed off to never having a family with this girl. Addison didn’t want a family, unless its to be with the ‘girl’. If, Melissa, is right, that means, Addison, will never ge her happy ending. She’ll never be with the girl of her dreams, and she’ll never have the family that she knows will make her happy, and make the girl happy,
“Don’t call her a, bitch. That’s rude. You know, the only reason you’re so cruel to her, is because you know I would do anything for her. It kills you that I won’t do the same for you. It kills you knowing that I am not wrapped around your filthy finger anymore. Fuck you.” Addison muttered into, Melissa’s, ear,
“I’m leaving.” Addison quickly got to her feet, and stormed out before, Melissa, could get up.

When, Addison, reached the kitchen table to grab her belongings, she ran into, Summer, Melissa’s roommate. She was lounging on the bar stool, reading a book,
“Hit it and quit it?” Summer asked non-chalantly,
“Something like that.” Addison whispered. Summer looked up at, Addison, and gasped,
“Ohmygod! What happened to your face?!” When, Summer, approached, Addison, she noticed her hand,
“Ohmy god! Your hand! It’s bleeding! Are you okay? What happened?!”
“I don’t want to discuss it. May I leave?” Addison asked with tears in her eyes. Summer took a few steps back as Addison’s broken words reached her,
“Of course, Addison.” She answered quietly. Before, Addison, walked out the door, Summer asked her a quiet question,
“Did she hit you, too?” Addison stood there quietly for a moment. Melissa has hit, Summer, before. Back in high school when they were arguing about a boy. To this day, it still hurts, Summer,
“She did more than hit me, hun. She hurt me. No more.”
“I understand. It was nice to know you.”
With those last words, Summer slowly shut the garage door behind Addison. Addison drove out of the housing complex, and stopped at the red light in the corner,
“She’s never going to be with me.” Addison whispered to herself, “I’m not good enough for her. I don’t have a decent enough job, and I can’t motivate her enough to do something amazing. She’s sick, and I can’t make that pain go away. She’s lost, and I can’t help her find herself. She’s hurting, and I can’t make her hurt any less. I’m a failure as a friend, and there’s no way I could be any better as her girlfriend, or wife. Melissa’s right. She’s going to go back to her ex, and we are never going to have our time, because I’m not good enough to have an angel like her. Ever.”
The light turned green, but, Addison stayed in that spot, and began to cry the hardest she’s ever cried before,
“You’re not worthy. You’ll never be worthy.” She cried to herself,
“ever.”

I wish I had someone on Valentines Day. 

Simply because I enjoy spoiling. I enjoy surprising. 

I’m helping my friends get all these things together, and distracting their girlfriends/boyfriends, so they can do something cute to surprise them, and low key, I’m a little jealous. 

I want to surprise someone & make them feel loved. 

… What am I saying? I do that at least once a week when I’m with someone.. I don’t do it just once a year. 

I need to start teaching a “How to be a good Partner” class. 

bahaha

 

Wow. Look at how sensual he is. 0.o Just like kissing a girl. >:P

(via farcryforleopard)

Today is, Sunday. The beginning of a new, yet just as strenuous, week.
Today marks 6 months.
Today also officially marks 3 years, 2 months, and 10 strenuous days. 
And you know what? have loved you every millisecond during those 3 long years, 2 dreary months, and 10 strenuous days. 

Today is a, Sunday, and I love you.
I will love you for the remainder of today, the entire tomorrow, and all of next week. In 4 months, I will love you, still. In 3 years, I will love you, and remind you that I love you. 40 years from now, I will sit on my front porch, sip my coffee, and smile at the thought of how much I love you.

The only thing that will change about this love I have had for you, and will continue to have for you, is how much it grows. Every day, I have new reason to love you. Every day I have a brand new discovery when it comes to my love for you. How many people you know can say they can find reasons to love a person, even when they aren’t being their best person they can be? 

Today, is a Sunday. 
Today marks exactly 3 long years, 2 dreary months, and 10 strenuous days that my heart has loved you, and tomorrow will mark another day. 

3 long years, 2 dreary months, and 11 strenuous days that my heart has gone loving you. 

It wasn’t difficult for, Spencer, to find, Ellie, in the crowded college bar. She was the only person that stood out with her light blonde hair, black leggings with a matching designer quarter sleeve shirt, a denim vest, and off-white headband. Ellie held on loosely to the bright red drink in her hand, staring down into it as she took a moment to think about something that crossed her mind. This investigation on her class must be taking a toll on her.

The young bartender pulled, Ellie, from her thoughts by starting a small, pointless, conversation. You could tell by the way he looked at, Ellie, and the way he smiled, that he was quite interested in her, and her pixie like appearance. A humorous spark passed, Spencer’s, eyes as she watched, Ellie, interact uncomfortably with the bartender. Ellie giggled here, and there, but her giggles weren’t full of joy like they normally were. She played footsies with herself under the bar, and made tornadoes with her straw as he continued to converse. 

The song, “Va Va Voom”, started to play loudly over the bar speakers, and every girl in the bar screeched as they ran for a place to dance. A good looking man signaled to the flirtatious bartender once his girlfriend left his side. The bartender smiled at, Ellie, and mouthed, “I’ll be right back.” Ellie sighed in relief as he turned the other way. Spencer saw this as her opportunity to approach, Ellie. With a deep, nervous, breath, she walked up, and took the empty seat next to her,

“How hard is he trying?” Spencer asked. Ellie smiled shyly at the sound of, Spencer’s, nervous voice,

“Extremely.” Her voice was soft, yet timid to say anything more. The tension between the two girls grew uncomfortable, and almost unbearable, since they were right next to one another now,

“Is he polite, at least?” Spencer asked awkwardly,

“Definitely.” Ellie took the rest of her drink quickly, and turned her head to look at, Spencer, “Why are you here, Spencer?” She finally asked,

“I’m here with my class, interviewing your students.” 

“Stop playing around. You know what I mean. Why are you here sitting next to me at this damn bar?” Spencer opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the reappearance of the bartender, 

“Why hello! I see you have brought a friend!” The bartender said in a Darth Vadar voice. Spencer couldn’t help, but to giggle at his dorky-ness. He seemed like the kind of guy, Ellie, dated when they were in high school. 

“What can I get for you?” He asked, Spencer, with a million dollar smile, 

“Cranberry Vodka, please. Extra vodka, if you would.” The bartender smiled, and trotted off to the ice machine to prep her drink,

“Why did you stop being my friend?” Spencer quickly asked, Ellie,

“You can’t answer a question with a question, Spence.” Ellie smiled, “Plus, you know if we would have continued being friends, it would have escalated into something more.” 

“Is that bad?” 

“Given the situation you’re in now with the one, Taylor, says you’re in love with, and your situation with my sister? Yes. It would have been disastrous.” 

“You’re sister is a fucking brat.” Spencer mumbled,

“She is, and what she did to you was not okay in the least bit, but you put yourself in that situation. You know how, Taylor, is when it comes to getting what she wants. You have to take into consideration the emotional state you were in when you went over to her house that night, and the tone of her text message. You knew by going over that you would be expected to do what she wanted.”

“That doesn’t justify her beating, and raping me.”

“I didn’t say that it did. I’m just saying, you knew.” The bartender returned before, Spencer, could respond,

“A refil for the beautiful, Taylor, and a first round for her lovely friend.” Spencer glanced at, Ellie, with confused eyes,

Taylor? Spencer mouthed. Ellie’s lips puckered, and quietly shushed, Spencer,

“So, Taylor, can I get your number? Maybe we can get together one night, and go watch shooting stars?” The bartender asked. Ellie started fidgiting uncomfortably again, 

“Uhm..” Ellie’s hesitant response told, Spencer, that she didn’t want to be rude, but didn’t want to hand over a number,

“That’s really cute,  but it sounds like you’re asking my girlfriend out on a date.” Spencer said as she took a sip of her drink. The bartenders eyes widened in astonishment, and he took a careful step away from, Ellie,

“Oh, I’m sorry, I had no idea you were in a relationship, let alone gay.” He apologized sincerely, “If I made you uncomfortable, I didn’t mean it.” 

“It’s okay, really. Don’t apologize.” Ellie said with a gentle voice, and easy eyes,

“Maybe I’ll see you around the bar, then? I’ll leave you guys be.” The bartender smiled politely, and walked over to some thirsty guests to work his magic,

“Thank you.” Ellie said quietly to, Spencer,

“You’re too nice.” Spencer took another gulp of her outrageously strong drink,

“You’re one to talk.” Ellie mumbled rudely, “I stopped being your friend, because I was told to stop talking to you.” 

“I know that. Taylor told me after you came out to everyone on social media.”

“You have to understand,” Ellie said quietly, “I couldn’t cross that boundary with my baby sister. It would have been awkward, for one, and two, that’s my family.” 

“No, I completely understand. I’m simply mad, and not thinking rationally.” Spencer admitted, “It makes me mad that, Taylor, knew we would be great together, and she didn’t want that. So she took matters into her own hands… and look at us now. Cheers to shitty people.” Spencer took another gulp after putting her glass to, Ellies. Ellie looked at, Spencer, with sad eyes, 

“Honestly, how do you think we would be now if we started dating in, July?” Ellie asked,

“We would have been a disaster.” 

“Why is that, Spencer?” Ellie asked calmly even though she already knew the answer,

“Because I would have been even more emotionally conflicted when the girl came back into my life, and I would have possibly wanted to leave you for her, like I left my girlfriend at the time. Even if we were to have worked it out, I wouldn’t have been emotionally yours, and it would have broken your heart, and mine, even more than it already is.” 

“Exactly.” Ellie smiled, “How is she, by the way? Your girl thing?”

“I wouldn’t know. She doesn’t talk to me. We have resulted to exchanging one worded texts to each other, and it’s only three or four a day. Then she suddenly stops. Exactly like she did when we first started talking, when she was with her ex.”

“How does that make you feel?” 

“Utterly shattered, stupid, and shitty, to top it off.” 

“I’m sorry. Give her time.”

“I have. I do. She get’s heartbroken when I do, though, and feels ‘abandoned’. I know her brain, Ellie. I feel like I’m losing her.” A tear formed in, Spencers, eye. She took another drink, and blinked it away. Ellie viewed, Spencer, with utter saddness in her eyes. Ellie’s heart started to ache for the girl she crushed on since they became aquainted four years ago. 

She use to be so alive, and cheerful. Full of imagination, and creativity. Her inspiration seemed to run completely dry, and she sounded all out of faith. Spencer used to be the one that magically knew whenever, Ellie, was upset. Spencer would take one look at her, and know exactly what to do to make, Ellie’s, sour mood disappear, and she did it, simply because she knew that sour person isn’t who, Ellie, is or wants to be. Spencer always knew how to assist, Ellie, in becoming the geniune, kind hearted person that she is today. Now, Spencer, appears completely lost, and alone,

“Hey, let’s not talk or think about her. Let’s think about…” Ellie trailed off as she searched her brain for something that would make, Spencer, laugh. It was so easy for, Spencer, to do this for, Ellie, but when, Ellie, actually stopped to think, she realized that she’s never actually got to know, Spencer. Spencer spent all their time together figuring out, Ellie,

“Let’s think about how pissed off your sister would be if she saw us here together.” Spencer giggled, 

“She would be fuming.” 

“I think her head would explode like those anime chatacters you used to read about.” The two girls laughed as the images played through their minds. Ellie looked at, Spencer, with admiration, now. Even though she was breaking apart inside, she still managed to laugh, and make, Ellie, genuienly laugh in the process. That part of, Spencer, is what, Ellie, found so addicting. Ellie took down the rest of her drink, and took, Spencers, hand,

“Come on. Take me home. I walked here from my friends place.” 

In the car, Ellie, searched through, Spencers cd collection until she found one she knew she would like. “Clarity”. As the EDM song started to highten, Ellie, let herself go in the music. Spencer glanced over at the fairy girl, and smiled. Seeing, Ellie, able to let go into a simple song made, Spencer think of the first time they spent together, alone. 

It was Spring four years ago, give or take. Taylor had invited, Spencer, on their families weekend vacation to the cabin her parents owned in, Utah. Taylor also invited a boy from school she had been interested in for the week. The, Dawns, always took weekend vacations when the first week of Spring hit. Everything in, Utah, smelled fresh, and eagerly bloomed to life. Ellie’s neices, and nephews, were at the cabin by the time they arrived. The girls, Ellie and Taylor’s neices, had built a fort in one of the rooms, and wanted, Ellie’s expert opinion on it. Taylor spent a majority of her time impressing the boy she dragged along, and Spencer was pushed off to the side,

“How are you at building forts?” Ellie had asked. That question defined the rest of the trip for the two girls. All the two needed was an hour to add onto the fort the girls had created,

“We should call it a ‘forman’.” Spencer said as they all observed their masterpiece,

“A what?” Ellie asked with confusion clear in her voice,

“A ‘Fort-Mansion’. Forman.” 

“Alright. We just created a forman. Great job, my little workers!” Ellie high fived the girls before they ran off into the fort to play. Ellie, Spencer, and the girls slept in their forman for the entire weekend.

The rest of the trip, Ellie, latched onto, Spencer, and vise versa. Ellie grew intreagued with, Spencer, and the way she viewed the world. Ellie wondered why she was friends with, Taylor, and not her. On the last day of the vacation, Ellie, woke, Spencer, up early in the morning, 

“I want to show you something before we leave.” Ellie whispered. Spencer was about to ask what it was, but, Ellie, put a finger to her mouth and shushed, Spencer. The two tip toed out of the cabin like children in all the movies you see. Ellie grabbed a couple of water bottles, and trail mix before heading out. Once the cabin door was securely shut behind them, Spencer, asked, 

“Where are we going? Are we going to get in trouble?” 

“Come on, Spence. Free yourself. This world is here for us to explore, so explore it. Don’t be scared. Just trust me.” Ellie giggled as she started jogging towards the woods. Spencer hesitated briefly, but quickly ran after, Ellie. Ellie weaved in between thick trees, and jumped over up-rooted tree trunks. The woods were beautiful at this time of Spring. The sunlight spilled through the tree tops, making the scenery unfold like a beautiful oil painting. The air was crisp, and fresh,

“We’re almost there. It’s so beautiful!” 

“This is beautiful.” Spencer whispered to herself as she gawked at the tall trees surrounding her,

“Come on.” Ellie giggled when she grabbed, Spencers, hand and continued running through the trees, “We’re here!” Ellie took a deep breath, and stepped through the remaining trees, and opened up, Spencers, eyes to a beautiful meadow. 

The sun shone down like a spot light on the meadow, lighting everything up that touched it’s vibrant, lush, terrain. The forest boarded the meadow, hiding it from the folk unworthy of it’s beauty. Tall grass with fragile flowers blooming on the top formed in patches around the meadow. Birds created beautiful songs, while butterflies, and humming birds danced from one flower to the next. Spencer stared into the beauty with her jaw dropped. Ellie simply smiled, and took in a deep breath of the untained air,

“This is my Meadow. Nobody knows about it, so you have to keep it a secret.” Ellie whispered,

“How did you find this?” 

“I was climbing trees, and I saw a piece of it from the tree I was climbing.” Ellie ran into the meadow after a flock of birds, sending them flying into the sunlight. She giggled like a fairy at the simplicity of nature. 

The girls spent their entire day in the meadow. Carving their names into the trees, laying in the long grass to watch the clouds go by, sharing their deepest secrets, and telling stories that nobody would ever hear again. Spencer even leaked a couple of her, Peter Pan, stories she had told her little sisters,

“I use to think this place was a piece of, Neverland. Here just for me to be in.” Ellie smiled, “Neverland is a place full of fun, adventure, trees, and relaxation.”

“This is your piece of, Neverland, then.” Spencer reassured, 

“It’s only a temporary piece. I’m not here as much as I’d like to be.” 

“If it was more available, you would risk losing the ability to see it’s beauty fully.” Spencer preached. Ellie then pulled out her iPod, and introduced, Spencer, to EDM. While she played her favorite songs, she set her mind free, and let her body go with the music. She danced in the meadow. Nothing in reality exsisted while, Ellie, danced. Just the meadow, and the song. 

Spencer parked her car in, Ellie’s, driveway after three songs. Ellie pulled out her keys, and looked at, Spencer, 

“It’s not that late. Do you want to come hang out for a while?” Ellie asked, 

“You know,” Spencer chimed, “I would love to.” She smiled. Genuienly, she’s missed, Ellie, and, Ellie, is the only one to make, Spencer, genuienly smile since November. The girls unbuckled themselves, and got out of the car. As soon as, Spencer, stood up, and started to walk, she felt the alcohol effecting her,

“Are you okay?” Ellie asked when, Spencer stumbled to the door,

“Yeah, I’m great.” Spencer lied. Ellie opened the door, and lead, Spencer, carefully into her bedroom. She made, Specer, sit on the bed, and ran off to the kitchen. Ellie prepped some hot water, and put a tea bag in the mug she grabbed for, Spencer. She walked over to her, Keurig, and put in a cup to brew. She went to her refrigerator, and pulled out some caramel. She drizzled caramel into the coffee once it was done brewing, and took the two mugs back into the bedroom where,

“Ellie, I am never drinking again.” Spencer mummbled, 

“Oh, baby, it’s okay.” Ellie giggled. She’s never seen, Spencer, intoxicated enough to effect her,

“Here, drink this, and take a sip of this.” Ellie handed, Spencer, the tea, and allowed her to sip her coffee,

“Oh wow, that ones really good.” Spencer said in refrence to the coffee, 

“I know. It’s mine though.” Ellie winked,

“Brat.” Ellie giggled at, Spencer, 

“Drink the tea. It’ll help you more than the coffee.” 

“I’m sorry any of this happened.” Spencer whispered,

“What do you mean?” 

“After the cabin trip, I should have steered more your way, than your sisters. It would have been the smart thing to do.” 

“Like we agreed on, if we were together right now, we’d both be miserable, because of the situation you’re in.” Ellie took a sip of her magnificent coffee, 

“No, that’s not true. That was before I met her. If I stayed with you, I would have never met her, and I wouldn’t be so sad.” Spencer’s voice cracked. She wanted to cry. Ellie heard the pain in, Spencers, voice, and kneeled in front of her. Ellie took, Spencers, face carefully in her hands; making, Spencer look into, Ellie’s, solid blue eyes,

“Don’t say things like that. It makes it sound like you regret meeting her, and I know you well enough to know that you don’t regret a single thing with her. Even all this heart break, you don’t regret it. You never will, because you love her dearly, Spence.” Tears started dripping out of, Spencers, eyes, “You are going to make this work. You’re strong, and you fight for the people, and things, that you truly love. Whether it’s stepping back, or moving forward. You do it, because you know it’s best. This pain, and struggle you’re experiencing is only going to make you two stronger in the future. There will be nothing you two can’t handle. Baby steps, babe. It’ll get better. You will make sure of it. Don’t give up on something you’re brain can’t go a day without thinking about, and your heart can’t stop feeling for.” Ellie’s voice was calming, and affectionate. Her eyes were full of concern, but full of faith. Spencer nodded her head, because she couldn’t find the right response, 

“It’s going to be okay.” She whispered as she placed a gentle kiss on, Spencer’s, forehead, “You’re going to be okay.” 

Spencer stayed quiet for the remainder of the evening, and ended up falling asleep in, Ellie’s, bed while she played Trance music. Ellie took the mugs into the kitchen, silenced the music, and turned off the lights in the bedroom. She slipped into the bed next to, Spencer, and curled up in the comforter, 

“I have faith in you,” Ellie whispered to, Spencer, “You’ll make everything right, again. With everyone.” Ellie turned over, and slipped into a deep sleep. 

(Source: sequinstarfish)

(Source: x3juicy, via silencehasasound)

I thoroughly enjoy hanging out with my exes. 

There is no pressure. I don’t feel like I need to hide my insecurities, because they are already aware of them. I don’t feel the pressure to impress them, because I already have been there, done that. I can discuss with them merely about anything, even embarrassing things, because they’ve witnessed me at my most embarrassing, and at my worst. 

This morning was refreshing, thanks to that ex, who I can comfortably call my friend now. 

People say, “Exes can’t be friends, because of the feelings there, and what they encountered together.” I believe that to be false. It takes a mature heart to forgive someone, and it takes an even stronger heart to accept that it has done wrong on its own accord. 

I also believe that taking an old relationship to the friendship level is a big step for your mind. It takes a lot to silence the devious thoughts your brain creates. To push all that aside, the socially generated awkwardness that comes with being friends with an ex, then that’s a strong little brain you’ve got there. 

I needed today. A day to not think about what my hearts been hurting about. 

A day out with no pressure. 

A day to fully think for myself, and myself only. 

More than anything. 

I miss talking to you for hours in person. 
I miss the novelty text messages that made my heart skip beats. 
I miss the smile every time our eyes met.
I miss the electrifying touch.

I wish we could lie in bed all day, and tell each other what’s been happening. 
I wish I could tell you how I feel. 
I wish I could let you in. 
I wish I could be let in.

I wish we could merely lie in bed all day, under your new covers. 
It’s cold outside, and you’re probably freezing, even under the blankets. 
I simply want to keep you warm. 
I’ll play with your hair. 
I’ll rub your back until you fall asleep, and I’ll scratch it whenever you stir. 
When you’re having a bad sleep story, my love, I promise I’ll begin humming my lullaby. 
If you wake in a fright, I’ll kiss your forehead, and hold you close so you can feel the steady beat of my heart. 
I’ll hum to you, and draw circles on your back.

I feel the void more than ever before.

&

I miss you.. You’ve been gone for so long. 

You are like a fresh brewed cup of warm coffee first thing in the morning.
I am tired; weary with the burden of long-closed eyes and slumber, and the prior day’s exhaustion. If my day begins with you, though, I know no task can challenge me. Why do you think I value waking up next to you so much, my super nova?